Friday, May 30, 2008

Day 3 on the CGMS

Ok, I must admit, I really like it. My problem has not been lows, but has been highs, and even when the CGMS is off (which it sometimes is) I know which direction my BS is headed in, which is really really cool.

I am going to admit though, that my favorite part of this thing is the cool patterns...well, much to my absolute surprise (and delight) my pattern for most of yesterday was a straight line around the 100 mark!! How COOL is that?!?! I didn't know that was possible!! I mean, I didn't have many carbs, so there wasn't much to fluctuate it, but I honestly think that one of my biggest problems with my control has been that I am so unsure of what I am doing! I know, I know, sometimes it feels like none of us really know what we are doing, but that has really been a big obstacle for me. Some of my internal questions have been:

If I eat, is it getting really really high and then going back down or am I really doing the right thing??

At night, is it stable, or all over the place, how can I really know for sure?

What happens after I eat that gob of sugar for my low? Does it go up to where it is supposed to and stay, or is it really high and then comes back down?

Do I really need to change my sites every 3 days? I mean, does it really make a difference in my blood sugar?

and the list goes on. But now I KNOW what happens, and I must say I am doing a pretty good job! I know that this will definitely help to keep me on track and do what I need to do! Yay for technology, even ones that include seemingly really long needles! =:~)

Also, I have been very excited to get my carelink USB so that I can download everything and SEE it! How cool. So, it came yesterday!! Whoo hooo!!! I was so pumped...well, except for the fact that our cable was randomly out and I didnt' have internet access to download the software! Ugh!! I have been very impatient today waiting to go home to do it! Then I can show you how my numbers are! yay!!

Oh, and please send out a warm welcome to Brad (my fantastic husband) who commented on my last blog and who I hope will contribute constantly and help to keep me in line. =:~)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Officially CGMing AND "sighting my toosh"!!!

Ok, so I accomplished two HUGE goals yesterday!! One, I got hooked up to my CGMS, and two, I put a site in my toosh!! Yay!

Ok, I am so excited! As of right now, after 13 hours on my Minimed CGMS, I love it! Last night at 5:30, the trainer from MiniMed came over to my house to get me set up. Ms. MiniMedwas extremely nice and very helpful! I even learned a few more pump tricks! After going through all of the details on how it works and how I have to set up, we got started with putting the sensor in.

I am not going to lie, I had been looking at that big long huge needle since she arrived...ok, since before that and I was pretty terrified of sticking it into my stomach fat. Memories of my first time using my QuickSerter came flying back, except this needle is twice as long and seems to be twice as thick!! Oh the pressure was on...I just didn't think I could do it.

I loaded it up into the trigger thing and was all ready, or was I?? No way was I going to push that little white button that would result in this huge thing flying into my stomach that resembled nothing other than jumping off a fence and landing on a nail!! Ok, ok. I held it in place, made the very loud groaning noise that has become a necessity for each site change and click. Once again, not so bad!

But, I did bleed and I think the words "a lot" came out of Ms. MiniMed's mouth...eek! Why do I feel like I am going to be completely drained of all of my blood if I bleed anywhere other than my finger tips?? Is it just me? But it was fine and it stopped bleeding and everything is working fantastically.

Sure, it isn't completely accurate, but I don't think it has been off by more than around 40 points yet, so that is pretty good for me. Although, I haven't eaten a huge meal quite yet. Oh, and have I mentioned that the charts are totally cool!! So I am very excited to have my new little addition!! I know it will help me to stay on track, too, which is extremely important!

New Site Spot
While Ms. MiniMed was there, I mentioned that I ONLY put my sites in my tummy. Well, apparently that was taken as a challenge for me to explore new options!!! So, for the very first time in my life, I have a site in my toosh...and yep, I am converted!!! No more white circles all over my stomach and no more in the way sites!! Yay!!

So, all in all, yesterday was a very good day! My birthday weekend (now week??) was better than I ever thought it would be!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Update, funny story, and I am nervous!!

Ok, I know it has been a week since I blogged, which is kind of a long time for this blabber mouth!! I am doing ok...I haven't been checking nearly as regularly as before my doc's appointment. I don't know what it is, but I hope to figure it out soon.

I had a fantastic birthday weekend. My husband was away on a guys trip, although he did surprise me with a pedicure and massage on Friday afternoon!! I honestly had no idea he could be that sneaky! It was completely delightful! But I was kind of feeling sorry for myself about spending my weekend alone UNTIL my Daddy called me on Saturday and asked me to drive to my hometown (about an hour and a half away) for dinner and then fishing and crabbing Sunday morning! I HAD to accept!! Since before law school it has been rare that I have been able to spend some good quality time with my family, especially my good ole' Pops. It was so much fun and I really really enjoyed my birthday!! Yay!

I think I am just not checking because I don't want to think about it all. That is usually what happens. I'll be ok; I am still somewhat staying on track and I know that tonight will change all of that when I get my CGMS!! I am so scared. I don't know how I feel about it.

First, the needle thing looks REALLY long, which just terrifies me!! Second, I know sometimes they just beep and go off a lot at first. I am sure this is going to happen since I am not sure about my basals and my boluses. The most important thing will be for me to remember to write down exactly everything that I eat and any exercise I do. That way we CAN figure it all out.

I just don't feel quite ready for this huge step. I guess I am just afraid I will fail. But, just like my pump breaking...sometimes I just need to be thrown into things to get started. I hope this is exactly what I need to get motivated again, and I am certainly sure that it is...I am just scared.

and I am sorry...I can't remember the funny story I was going to share...I'll post later if it comes to me!!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Getting my CGMS! Finally!

Well folks, tomorrow seems to be the day that I finally get to get hooked up to my CGMS! I have a Minimed rep coming tomorrow after work to get it all set up. I will admit, I am SOO nervous. I haven't even figured out whether my basals and my insulin to carb ratios are correct, yet... Although, I suppose this will definitely help me to figure it all out.

I'll tell you how it goes tomorrow


Monday, May 19, 2008

Update and Funny Story

Well, I am doing better today. This weekend was hard, but I made it... It is just one of many many hard weekends, so making it through the first is definitely good.

I am determined to stay on track, and I will. I have been through hard times before and I know that this WILL make me stronger.

One funny thing that happened before we left: My husband somehow poked himself in the thumb with a fork while doing dishes (yes, he is amazing!). Of course my first reactions was "oh, do you want to check your blood sugar!?!"

Why is it that if a finger is bleeding, it must be used to check one's blood sugar?? Haha! He did, it was 87...I was jealous.

Our crazy diabetes obsessed minds; but, it can't be any other way, can it? I don't mind so much...

Hope you are all well and of course, thank you for being the amazing support that you are!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Moment of Weakness...

I don't know why I consider it a moment of weakness when I actually admit to my faults, but I do. I'll first admit that summer is a huge trigger for me. Since I have revealed my true struggles with my diabetes control, I haven't been back to that topic. But it's late, and I'm actually a little scared and I am very exhausted due to lack of sleep, so what the heck. Revealing my true feelings is what this blog is all about, right? Well I revealed my truth here and I haven't been back since.

I suppose I should just admit that I am struggling, big time. I need to admit that I put a space in diabulemia so that my blog wouldn't show up if searched and I tried everything to hide my identity from what I really am, but what is the point. I am doing no good to myself or any other if I just hide. The truth will set you free, right? Well, I am not really looking for help, although, I have certainly found it anyway...but my true purpose in all of this was to hopefully help others who may be going through the same thing. I want them to know that they deserve so much more than the life that I have put myself through.

I recently had my a1c tested. 8.4, which is a HUGE accomplishment for me... It is the first time since the year after I was diagnosed that it has been that low. That was 16 years ago!!!! My diabulemia started early. I was quick in figuring it all out. Like I have previously said, I don't know how or why I did it, and I don't know how to prevent it in others, but I was a ten year old extremely thin girl, who paid attention to all of the "eating disorder" movies shown to me to "warn me of the dangers". Although, I aimed to learn, not prevent. I took in everything I could and then soon figured out my own "quick fix". I don't know why it happened and I don't know how I could have prevented it. It was easy then. I was diagnosed at 9, and even though I was likely still underweight, I began to think I was fat at age 10. Looking at pictures just terrifies me. How could I think that my underweight prepubescent body was so fat?!?!?! I was "too smart for her own good" as one doctor said... I would call it foolish, stupid, and in desperate need of help, but no body understood it all then.

I guess that isn't the issue I am writing about now, but I want to go back so that others understand that I have no advice to offer. I don't know that anything could have saved me. There were no warning signs...I made sure of it. My ultimate goal in life is to prevent this pain in others, but I don't even know how.

Today I am concerned because this is my first summer "well". Summer and "well" just don't fit in the same sentence. Heck, I haven't tried to maintain my control since I was diagnosed. I don't know how. I never expected this journey to even as easy as it has been, The support I have received has been unbeleivable, and I certainly didn't expect it when I started my journey. But, I received it nonetheless and it has kept me strong. I should have known that at some point I would grow weak and begin to really struggle, I just thought it would have been a lot sooner than this. I am so thankful that it wasn't.

I am still coming to grips that there is an actual term for what I struggle with...diabulemia. I will admit that diabulemia is the extent of it...there was no pre-existing eating disorder, and I can't starve myself or force myself to throwup for the life of me. Diabetes is the only way I attempt to act it all out.

My triggers are holidays, family gatherings, reunions with people I haven't seen in a while, summer, the beach, and now, both my parents and my husband's parents have a pool, even that is enough to send me spiraling out of control... My newest trigger is the family pool and seeing just about everyone on one side of the family that I haven't seen since I dedicated myself to being well. I have gained 15 pounds, if not more, since I have seen this side of the family. It will be very noticable...although likely more to me than anyone else, but does that really matter. I am the one struggling, so if I notice, it is as if the entire world is staring at me. It is all hitting me at once...before it was gradual, but nothing fits me now, and I refuse to buy new clothes because this weight HAS to come off. I won't make it if it doesn't.

I suppose this summer will be a true test of my dedication to my health, but when I know that people talk so much about weight, and when I received so many compliments from "looking so great at my wedding" and now to gaining 20 pounds on my pretty small 5'2 frame, it is hard. No one except me knows WHY I gained the weight, and I feel the need to explain...except I can't tell them why I was so uncontrolled to begin with...

So, I guess I am going through my first very VERY difficult struggle as a recovering diabulimic who is desperately trying to regain some control in her life. I know I have to fight it, but I am taking every opportunity to not. I will admit, it has been a long time since I have checked my blood sugar, probably three days or so...

I am so afraid to have let everyone down, but I am proud for admitting it. I am sure as soon as I post this, I will take all the required insulin to get right back on is what I know I need to do. and knowing that you all know, makes me feel as though I have no other choice.

I knew this first true struggle was coming, and I am glad that I can at least admit to it, so that I can then move on... i am so scared, but survival it #1 at the moment, well, right behind preparing my body for little babies... That is enough to motivate me to do anything!!

Thanks for being there. If honesty is key, then you are the lock that needs the key to open it.

Friday, May 16, 2008

How Weird Am I?

I must really be hitting the big time in the world of blogging! I was tagged with my first meme, haha!! Thanks Jillian (P.S. - You constantly amaze me)!!

Ok, here are the rules: After you are tagged, you write a blog about 10 strange, odd and unknown facts, habits or goals about yourself. After you are done, you pick 6 new people to tag and list their names, why you tagged them, and then leave a message for them saying that you have tagged them and they need to read your blog! You can't tag the person who tagged you, that would be cheating! But let that person know that you have posted your blog so that they can read all of your fun little tidbits!

1) I dissect my food. For example: pizza. First I eat the toppings, then the cheese, and then try to eat the sauce off. Next I peel the dough from the crust. I eat the crust first, unless I am full and then I will just throw it away. Then I eat my yummy gooey dough. Delicious!

2) I save my favorites for last...I discussed this in my Memories from my diagnosis post, as well. But yes, this is why the dough of the pizza is saved for last!

3) I LOVE to sing and dance. I have been laughed at because I will sing and dance to the radio in stores, come up with dance moves in the car and even sing and dance to commercials! It makes me extremely happy to crank up the music in my car and just sing my heart is also fun while cleaning. I just can't help it! It is a power stronger than myself.

4) I spent three years in law school, passed the bar, and was sworn in as an attorney and have absolutely no desire to ever practice law, and I won't. I am an attorney in name only. I believe that being happy is so much more important than being stuck doing something that you don't love, regardless of the pay. Follow your heart and you will never be steered in the wrong direction. You may encounter bumps in the road, but there are bumps in EVERY road. =:~)

5) I chew on the insides of my cheeks. It started when I was nervous, but now it has become much more consistent; I think it became a true habit rather than a nervous habit during law school...since my nerves were constantly frayed! I've done it since I was little. I remember dance recitals where my Mom would tell me that the whole time I danced my mouth was contorted into a strange face with my lips pushed to one side as I chewed. I do it to this day...the inside of my mouth was completely raw for the bar exam!!

6) I play out random and bizarre scenarios in my head constantly. I am always acting out a made-up conversation or rehearsing a resolution to something that is bothering me. My husband says that I would be awesome in a courtroom, especially for direct examination of witnesses, because my arguments are always logical and I can always "get him", but that is because by the time I actually get to the REAL discussion, I have played it out a million times and perfected it. If he says something I wasn't prepared for then my brain turns to mush and I can't comprehend anything.

7) I am extremely logical and analyze everything and everyone. There is a logical explanation for everything (well except what causes Type 1 diabetes and cancer, of course). BUT I also think that people should listen to their hearts more. There is a constant battle between what logically makes sense and what makes sense inside. It is all about balance but the heart should always win.

8) I love to people watch and to get to know new people. People are the way they are for a reason and I love to analyze all of the possibilities. I used to work in a psych ward and it is just so interesting to see how different people react to the same thing. Schitzophrenia and multiple personalities amaze me because they are so illogical. Our brains are so amazing.

9) I love algebra. Finding x just makes me beyond happy. It is so much FUN!!! I also love balancing my checkbook...well, when I used a checkbook!

10) I hate naps. I wake up grumpy, groggy and confused. It is not a good thing...

Ok, that was really hard...probably because I am too logical and tried to analyze things too much. I'll throw another one in for fun, but only because you have all more than likely already realized this: I am VERY long winded!! haha!! An explanation has to come with everything =:~)

I tag: I forgot to add WHY!! Ooops!

Rachel - Because I think she is an amazing woman and I love to read about her story...I may be going through the same journey as she is someday and just knowing she is there makes me feel stronger.

Bethany - Because I think we resemble each other in so so many ways and it is so comforting to know that she understands. I am eager to find out about those little oddities about her that make her uniquely Bethany!

Brandy - Because she has created an amazing place for women with diabetes to go and talk about those things that affect only us as women. It is another place where I can let my insecurities go and feel completely welcomed. I know that she works SO hard, but I'd love to find out more about the person behind the action.

Laura - Because she has Type 1 diabetes and is pregnant with her THIRD baby!! I want to find out what makes this amazing woman tick...and well, I hope to BE her one day!

Windy - Because she has amazing advice about diabetes, being domestic AND being a diva!! I LOVE it!!

Kathryn - Because I am enthralled by her cooking, her gardening, and about learning more about her. She seems to be on the adventure of a lifetime and knows how to ensure that her life is full of the important things!

Yay!! Enjoy! =:~)

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Headed in the Right Direction!!

Well, the doc just called with my A1C results. Let me just remind you that my last A1C in December of 2007 was 11.1, which was a little down from a year before at 11.3, which was way down than the past few years, when I didn't even get them tested and when I did were swimming around 15% and above.

So, now, in May of 2008, my A1c dropped nearly 3 points to 8.4%

I am proud. I still have a lot of work to do and it isn't nearly good enough, but I lowered it 3 POINTS and I know I still have so much work to do and some changes to make with my basals and my ratios, I just need a good CDE who will actually work with me.

I am encouraged, SO encouraged. I went from being terrified to take my insulin for fear of gaining weight, to just making the change and sucking it up and I am doing so much better. The weight frustrates me, and I do get down about it a LOT, but I am fighting it, and it looks like I am winning!! Yay!

Hopefully next time I can get it down another 3 points...ok, that might be pushing it, but at least another 2!!

I am living proof, that we can do anything we put our minds to. There was a time not that long ago where I would have sworn I had no life ahead of me, no future. I thought I was doomed to a life of illness, pain, and complications. Soon after I joined the Diabetes OC, someone told me that "Diabetes is not a death sentence" and they were so right. It is so far from it. It is manageable and it can be dealt with. It is just another part of LIFE, not death.

ANYONE can do this, you can change their life around and be well. Don't suffer through feeling sick and scared and alone. TOGETHER we can all fight this!! I am here to help if you need it! - just send me a note and we can make it together!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Memories from my Diagnosis

Wow. I recently read a post about sugar free jolly ranchers. The memories of my diagnosis came flooding back. It is so amazing how sometimes things come full circle.

I was 9 and my little sister was 7. It must have been a special occasion because Mom let us pick out a special treat for ourselves. You see, even before I knew what diabetes was or that it even existed my Mom made us eat very healthy. Treats were just that: treats. We were already on a diet of fresh fruit and lots of veggies. Sugary cereals were not even allowed within a mile of our house (we didn't tell her about the neighbors!).

I chose Jolly Ranchers. Green is my favorite. Not apple, not It still is. I love to eat green goodies. I have no idea why. It isn't my favorite color, but is the color I choose when going for a sugary snack. Well, this bag of Jolly Ranchers only had one green. Let me also tell you that I save my favorites for last...a lesson my husband quickly learned when he would go to nibble on MY food after he was done with his own. If it is still on my plate it means DO NOT touch it because I am saving it for last! I do it with everything; I deliberately and carefully divide what I am eating into my favorites and my not so favorites and then eat them accordingly. So what if I am only left with the green jelly beans at the end, I prefer my favorites over variety.

So I saved my green jolly rancher. We could eat one a day after we ate our supper. I kept a close eye on it and as it got closer and closer to the end of the bag, my excitement grew. It was going to be soooo yummy and boy was I going to savor it!

Little did I know that a few jolly ranchers short of getting to taste that tempting green morsel of goodness I would be diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and sugar in any form, amount or color would be an absolute no-no.

So what happened to it? My little sister got to eat my green jolly rancher, while I sat there and watched tearfully. Life was NOT fair and to me it was the end of the world...

...but it wasn't, and here we are. Not only can I eat as many "real" green Jolly Ranchers as my heart desires, but now there is an apparently pretty good sugar free variety as well, that will likely wreak much less havoc on my blood sugars, and my temptations!

Friday, May 9, 2008

Oh so low, then high in the sky!!

Ok, so here is the story that I teased you about yesterday:

At around 7:15 pm last night I decided to go for a little run with Bella. I checked my blood sugar and it was 162. Awesome! Good to go.

So Bella and I take off in the neighborhood. I left my pump on because I wasn't really sure about what to do when exercising with my pump and when I asked my EX-CDE she wouldn't really discuss it with me. I ran a bit at first but then Bella wouldn't really keep up, which is rather odd. She LOVES her walk/runs. I don't know if it was her new pinch collar that we use for training or whether she could sense something was not right, or whether she was just being a royal pain...but toward the end, we were barely walking she was being so difficult. Thank goodness...

I really didn't even feel like I was low until I turned onto the street that our house is on, but I was like 7 or 8 blocks away. That is when I realized that I really wasn't recognizing the houses around me, or the street signs and it was as if I was in a fog. I had already noticed that my shirt was pretty much soaked...but I was South Louisiana.

I just tried to focus on the getting home. Even then I tried to tell myself I couldn't be low...I was just tired, and frustrated at my darn dog who was just stumbling along beside me. It was such a strange feeling, trying to hold on to even determine what WAS reality. Maybe that big bag that Bella was barking at like a mad dog really was some evil person peering at us slyly...and maybe the light in front of my house that was glowing like a globe was really just some little alien waiting for us to approach. It was as if I was dreaming some fanciful fairytale. I still don't remember the houses or the street names and I don't really know HOW I made it home, but I did.

7:55 pm - 31 YIKES! And that was after I finished my first juice. So I had another juice and 8 glucose tablets, which usually give me a horrible sugar headache and make me cringe but for some reason at that moment in time those orange powdery sugar tabs tasted about as good as a fantastic chocolate cake, with cherries, homemade vanilla ice cream AND whipped cream. I ended up eating about 60 carbs in all.

8:05 - 57
8:15 - 55
8:30 - 81
9:30 - 83
10:00 - 118, ate 15 grams of carbs and only bolused for half of that, giving .8 instead of 1.5 units

Whoo, good to go. Seems like I did everything right, WITHOUT going crazy with the food. I didn't even pull out the delicious buttercream frosting...I stuck to the basics, juice and glucose tabs.

Oh, but no...that would make way too much sense, wouldn't it!

4:00 am - I woke up feeling a tad nauseous and sluggish. I needed to use the restroom so I figured I might as well check my blood sugar, just to see what it was...and heck, I still love seeing my blood sugar just magically show up on my pump when I use my new UltraLink - 402 WHAT?!??

How in the world did that happen? I mean, two hours after correcting my low I was still only 118. Everything I had was fast acting and so should have already affected my blood sugar within the two hours that I ate it. Even if I didn't take enough for my snack before bed, it was only an extra 8 carbs that went unaccounted for, certainly not enough to raise my blood sugar 400 points. Am I missing something?? Maybe I was sleeping on my site or tubing wrong?? Or maybe I did just miscalculate?? Ugh. I should have just binged on something fantastic like my buttercream frosting...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Ahhh, Relief!

Well, I had my endo appointment this morning and all went well!! It is such an amazing relief! The doc is going to get me set up with a Minimed rep in the area to get situated on the pump, and he can help me figure some things out. I am so relieved to have my big mess over with and to hopefully have someone who understands (he has diabetes, too!)!!! I can't wait to get started!

I also can't wait to see what my A1c is going to be! I am trying not to get too excited so that I am not disappointed. It likely will not be perfect, but it HAS to be down from just HAS to! You'll be the first to know when I get the results!

Thank you all for being so supportive of me. It really does mean more than you could ever know!

I also had a very bad low last night and woke up at 4am with an enormous high, but I will save that one for tomorrow!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Why do I continue to get myself into a mess!

Well, it wasn't horribly messy, but why do I push the limits? Here's the story.

I was running low on strips and was waiting for my appointment tomorrow to get a prescription. Yes, that's right, I have been out of the loop for so long that I didn't even know you could get a prescription for test strips! Why I didn't just call the office to have them call in a prescription, who knows. I am a visual person and have never liked talking on the phone very much and I have always prefered speaking to someone in person rather than on the phone, so that is likely it.

I continued my day yesterday checking more than I usually do, for no reason at all other than I was curious. I thought I would have enough test strips to last me through yesterday and then this morning and I would pick some up today if I had to. Well, for whatever reason, last night my blood sugar dropped very low. It was 39 when I checked, with my last strip.

That left me with no test strips to make sure my blood sugar had risen sufficiently, but not too high. I will admit, I did the right thing and Brad (thanks honey-bun!) brought me to the pharmacy to buy more last night. I knew I had to because I needed to know the damage I had caused by eating gobs of delicious buttercream frosting!

It ended up all being fine and my blood sugar was good, but why do I even put myself in that predicament?? I am just asking for trouble!!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Calibrate My Meter? Do what??

Ok, I have heard about calibrating meters, but as many of you know, I didn't really reap the enormous benefits of actually using a meter for at least the last 6 or 7 years, if not more. But now that I am 'back on track' I am trying to do everything right.

So, I got my new UltraMini and my new UltraLink. The meter I had been using was an UltraSmart. I checked my blood sugar on both the Link and Mini, using the same drop of blood and there was a 25 point difference!!! I didn't use the Smart, though. The UltraLink was lower than the UltraMini. Isn't that a pretty HUGE difference? I mean, having a 55 v. a 80 is kind of a big deal, isn't it?!?

Help! I don't know what to do or how to know which one is actually more reliable. Any tips, suggestions, or diabetes lessons for a girl who has seemingly forgotten all that it means to have diabetes??

Monday, May 5, 2008

True Test of Success

Well, I have my endo appointment on Thursday! I am not going to lie, I am nervous!! I feel like my A1c result will be the true test of how well I have really been doing. It HAS to be down from the 11.1 it was in December, but I just don't know how low it will go. I have been testing regularly and taking my insulin like I should, so it should reflect in my A1c.

I am not going to lie, though, this week and last were not good. I just haven't been checking like I should and I have forgotten to bolus a few times and of all the weeks to do it I choose right before my appointment! :( I think I have just been frustrated lately and feeling as though I just don't want to deal with it all; honestly, the lack of support from my CDE hasn't helped, but I am in control of my own actions.

Also, when I get nervous, for the past ten years or so I have dealt with that by not taking good care of myself so I can kind of "zone" out, so my learned behavior has been to just do that, without even really thinking about it, so I am trying to fight that and remember to take extra care to do everything I need to stay healthy.

I am nervous about my test results, but also about talking to my endo about my CDE experiences. I am horrible at confrontation because I really hate making people feel bad, but this just has to be done, for all of her patients' sake. I guess maybe I am just internally blaming my diabetes for even making me have to deal with all of this and therefore am retaliating by slacking off. Or maybe I am just reading too much into it all...

I'll be sure to take my "brave big girl" pill Thursday morning and report how it goes!

Friday, May 2, 2008

I just wanted to remind you about!! You HAVE to check it out and join the sisterhood! I am actually the Blog Manager for the site and it is FULL of amazing women who all come together for support and encouragement. Read the blogs and ask questions of the bloggers and our new CDE.

Also sign up for access to the forums. It has been so great to be able to "speak" with other women with diabetes in the forums and ask them questions and hear their stories!! Don't forget to introduce yourself in the forum as well.

If you ever have any questions or concerns about the site or if you want to help out, please email me at and we will address it!

Have fun and I will see you there!!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Oh my Goodness, Oh my Goodness!

As many of you now know, Minimed has sent out their new One Touch UltraLink meters for their pumps! Well, I had the one prior to this and it is SOOO awesome...I mean come on, I check my blood sugar and the number shows up on my pump, how cool is that!!

I received the note in the mail on Tuesday saying they had been shipped and it came with a coupon for a free One Touch meter. I already have and use their UltraSmart, so I decided to get the UltraMini for those times when a cute little clutch would be appropriate...I was pumped. I love new diabetes gadgets, as many of you do as well. So yesterday I went out and bought my new little UltraMini (in green!). THEN, when I got home, guess what was waiting for me by my door...

Yep, that's right, my new UltraLink!! It is so cool! When I first got my new pump and when I still had strips for the last one that wirelessly connected to my pump I think I checked my blood sugar, umm...12 times that first day!! I know, money down the drain, but come on...that is some cool stuff!!

I am so excited. I would have NEVER thought that checking my blood sugar could actually be fun!! I must be losing my mind! =:~)