Thursday, June 25, 2009

No Longer Calm!! Welcome Summer!

Well, my last post's title mentioned that things were calming down a bit; well things are calm no longer!! Summer is always a time of constant travel and lots of weekends away from home. Last summer we were gone I believe something like every single weekend for over three months and while, thankfully, this summer is not quite that extreme, Brad and I have definitely been quite busy!!

Last weekend we headed for our normal 5 hour drive West, although this trip it took us six, for Brad's 10 year high school reunion. It was so much fun!! He graduated with a class of around 700 and I would say about 100-150 grads attended, which I thought was a tad sad, but with a class that big, I am sure strong ties were hard to come by and people are likely scattered across the country. It was so much fun to meet friends of his that knew him long long ago. It really was a blast! And then it was over and we headed back home.

Unfortunately, Brad's Grandma passed away on Monday, so on Tuesday we made a trip 2 hours back West to be with his family and for her funeral. She was an absolutely incredible woman who loved her family more than anything and she will be greatly missed. It was very nice to visit with everyone and I know that she was so happy to see all of her favorite people together to celebrate her wonderful life. She was also a pretty big fan of LSU baseball, so I know she was cheering in heaven last night ;)

After the game, we headed back East for home so that Brad and I could work today and tomorrow. Our next big trip is this weekend again... headed back 5 hours West and hoping it doesn't take longer. It should be a fun weekend, and it will be great to again spend time with family... but, we then have to come home again to work Monday and Tuesday and then after work Tuesday we are headed BACK West for a 9 hour road trip for our family vacation... whoo! Lots of backtracking and I am getting darn tired of I-10!! But, it is fun and exciting and it is worth it all!!

On the diabetes front, things are going well. I have no complaints and no stories worth telling, which is always good. Today, I started to record my blood sugars, food intake, insulin, etc., which always helps me to stay on track, so if any good stories arise out of that, I'll keep you posted!

I hope your summer is going well. I am just trying to stay out of the heat!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Things have calmed a bit

Thankfully, things have started to level out again! I swear it was because I blogged about it ;)

The swings haven't been nearly as steep and I feel like when they go up, I can actually get them back down. My CGM settings are lower this time (since my new pump came in, I had to reprogram everything and just made them lower). So, it alerts me when my blood sugar hits 200 and I think maybe that was part of the frustration... Instead of it alerting me when it got to around 215 or 220, it was 200, so I was more aware of it...

Question: How high does your blood sugar go after eating? I know that even though we have come such a long way, things are not yet perfect and of course my blood sugar goes up after I eat...but how high should it go? What's normal? How high should it go when you are pregnant? I mean, should it go into the 200s daily, even if for a mere few minutes? I guess I have a list of things to ask my doctor now. You'd think after having diabetes as long as I have that these questions should not exist...but sometimes it is just reasurring to re-ask them and have them re-answered ;)

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Didn't Even Realize I Needed It!!

A wonderful friend just sent me a quick check in email (Sweet Mama) to see how I was doing since it has been a while since I blogged, and my goodness, it ignited something in me and I just started typing away, which made me realize... why don't you just blog about it?? So, here I am :)

I am doing well. You know, I don't really know how I am doing, but I always have this feeling to always try to say, "I am doing well" and then back it up with enthusiastic happy feelings to show that I actually am doing well, even when I don't really know that I am... like now.

Honestly, I'm frustrated beyond belief. My blood sugars have been up and down and up and up...and for the life of me I don't know why. Even though I know that sometimes there are just fluctuations in blood sugars, I am not convinced that I just am not doing a good job. It's gotta be something I am doing wrong, doesn't it? I am not trying hard enough. I am failing at something. I have to be, or else it would all be working out, right? Let me back up...

Last week I saw two new diabetes educators to help me tweak all of the little things that I needed to make sure my blood sugars were in the best control possible. Well, they went through my pump and goodness, I had some regular high blood sugars. I knew that for about a week, I just couldn't seem to get them down. I mean, even that day my blood sugar was around 250-350 and no matter how much insulin I took, or how little I ate it would not go down!! It just didn't make sense.

Until that night when I got home and was bolusing for the umpteenth time, and the buttons on my pump would not work. I couldn't push them to take my insulin, or do anything at all! So, I called the pump people and got a new one sent over. Then, my pump actually gave me a "button error". You are all very smart people, so I have one question for you: How do you clear a "button error" when the buttons don't work?! (don't worry, I did take the batteries out, but it was pretty humorous at the time ;))

So, I figured, good... this obviously is what has been pump has slowly been malfunctioning and probably hasn't been giving me all of my basals/boluses and the buttons were the last to go. Yay! I solved the puzzle!

Wrong. Everyday I am in the 200 and 300s and don't know why they go up or how to get them down. Every now and then a low will sneak in, but it is rare and always leads to a high. I even have my CGMS in to help me better track what is going on, but so far, it seems to be unpredicatable.

I am frustrated, confused, concerned and I feel like a failure. I don't know what to do to get it back down or to stay regular or to just make it all work like it had been. What am I doing that is so wrong. I bolus for my food, and I correct when it is high, but it still stays high. I feel nautious and tired and I can feel my highs starting when they get to around 180ish and then I just get panicked because I know how horrible it is for my body and I know I will never get the opportunity to be pregnant if I can't regulate these blood sugars.

I feel like I want to cry everytime it happens, which is just about constantly these days. So, no, I guess I am really not doing that well, at least in regards to my diabetes and blood sugars...and I don't know how I can really do well emotionally otherwise if that's not all in check and when it is constantly on my mind... it's just, no one else understands so why bother getting into it. It's nice to have somewhere to just get it all out and cry about it with people who really understand.

I was hesitant to blog about it because I didn't have a solution, or a story, or a point and I hate to always just vent about my frustrations...but sometimes, that is exactly what I need. It's nice to just put it all out there and not have to hold it in so tightly. You think now my blood sugars will behave??? We'll see :)