Tuesday, July 22, 2008

"Diabetes is Weird!"

Hahaha...this statement couldn't be more true!!! See what Donna, our Type 2 DiabetesSisters blogger has to say about it: Diabetes is Weird. Sometimes it just makes no sense at all!!!

Read the other blogs under BLOG CENTRAL, too. They are full of more women's experiences with diabetes...the kind that always makes me go, "ME TOO, ME TOO!!"

Hope you are all having a happy Tuesday! ...is it really only Tuesday...???

Friday, July 18, 2008

Ugh...one day without my CGMS

Took out my CGMS yesterday and I get my first high in a week. Figures...blood sugar is 368.

Looking back on being "born again"

You know, that CGMS sure can be a pain when I have it on... I have to be careful not to pull it, bump it, tug it... I have to keep my pump within range of it and my tubing from looping around it... But those days that I don't wear it I sure miss the ease of just looking down to make sure I am on track.

I know it isn't always accurate, but I am not convinced my meter is all that accurate either. It's the trends I care about. I just feel kind of off and worried when I don't have it on because I don't know what my blood sugar is (around). It is amazing how I am so reliant on it now. Never in my life did I think I could be so focused on my blood sugar. I went from not checking one time for years to becoming worried and stressed if I don't know what it is at every minute of the day. How did that happen??

I must say, I feel good. I feel happy. I feel ALIVE! Last year at this time I was still too weak because of my constant Highs to climb stairs, take a shower, go on vacation or do things with friends. Laughing exhausted me. Smiling for long periods of time drained me. Half of the time I didn't argue with people because I didn't have the energy, certainly not because I didn't have an opinion. I was just there, existing but never really LIVING.

My life has changed in so many ways and not one of them is bad. Not only can I walk up a flight of stairs, but I can hike up mountains. I can dance at every commercial with music without the fear of getting faint; I can laugh for hours and I can smile for days...and I DO. I certainly have the energy to argue my point (poor Brad ;)) and I feel like my options in life are endless.

I feel like I am not only a Born Again Diabetic, but I am Born Again. I have a new life, new hopes, new dreams. The world doesn't scare me like it used to. I can dream about being a Mom without curling into a ball and crying because I know now that it IS possible. I can dream about my children growing up and I can even dream about having grandchildren one day. I feel like I have a life ahead of me, instead of constantly fearing a life of misery and complications.

Let me be honest, I am realistic about my future and I have done some horrible things to my body. For the first time in over 15 years my A1C is under 9 or 10 and I know it has crept up to around 15 and stayed there for at least several years when I was at my lowest point and when I had completely surrendered to my diabulemia, so complications are not out of the realm of possibility, but I am ok with that now. I know I don't have to let that fear debilitate me and I won't. YOU have all shown me what I can do and who I can be. I have proof right here everyday and I am reminded always that we are in control of our lives. I also have a husband who encourages me every day just by being there. We are a team and I feel like I have to keep going because if I fail, I am failing him and our future family. We get to make our own choices, good or bad, and we have to live with the consequences of that. I am prepared to do that.

I can only live for today and tomorrow and I can't change my past. I can only improve the chances for my future and hopefully help others to see that they also have a future ahead of them, they just have to take the opportunity to grab it and hold on tight!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Great Weekend!

Hi folks,

Everything on the diabetes front is going smoothly (famous last words, eh??). I took a break from my CGMS, as I now do and got back on it Thursday. Since then, things have been wonderful. I still have some insulin basals to work out, but I am recording and keeping track so that the doctor can help me out with it.

I did reduce my morning insulin, though. I was waking at 5 am every morning with a little buzz from my pump telling me to eat. When I say 5 am, I do not mean 4:45 or 5:15, I mean 5, on the dot. Can we say pattern? Patterns are good though; it give me something to work with :)

Virginia was amazing. We had a great time and it was so much fun!! Blood sugars remained relatively stable, which was nice.

I am even making improvement with putting in new sites for my pump. I used to have to make a really loud sqealing noise to do it, but not anymore!! I am sure the neighbors, and my dog, are relieved ;) Although, the CGMS site is a lot different. Until this last one, I had never put one in without it bleeding...one time leading to me to get a little weak in the knees. You'd think I'd be used to it, right? The bleeding would then lead to it not sticking on very well...which is so annoying!! Even when I put the big clear sticky thing over it, it comes off when I exercise or shower, leaving a sticky mess behind. It is more trouble than its worth, which I think is one reason I wait until I put a new CGMS in. (I mean other than the fear of inserting it and the constant focus on my blood sugar 24/7). The minimed one isn't designed very user friendly. The transmitter just dangles off like a loose peice of plastic and it gets tangled in my pump tubing, my clothes and anything else around, and it jiggles when I exercise. Such a pain!! I am open to tips on how to deal with this, though. It makes me so uncomfortable knowing it is hanging on my a loose, tiny peice of sticky tape that is wearing down quickly!!

Well, this last one didn't bleed at all, which has made me happy all week! It is sticking much better and I have really had no issues with it yet, including the fear of losing all of the blood in my body after inserting it (can we say unrealistic fears, here??).

Anyway, I just wanted to check in, say hello, and let you know I am still here, going strong. Brad and I have even started working out at least 2 or 3 days per week!! We took last week off, but are going back today. Things are going very well and I couldn't be more relieved :)