Monday, May 5, 2008

True Test of Success

Well, I have my endo appointment on Thursday! I am not going to lie, I am nervous!! I feel like my A1c result will be the true test of how well I have really been doing. It HAS to be down from the 11.1 it was in December, but I just don't know how low it will go. I have been testing regularly and taking my insulin like I should, so it should reflect in my A1c.

I am not going to lie, though, this week and last were not good. I just haven't been checking like I should and I have forgotten to bolus a few times and of all the weeks to do it I choose right before my appointment! :( I think I have just been frustrated lately and feeling as though I just don't want to deal with it all; honestly, the lack of support from my CDE hasn't helped, but I am in control of my own actions.

Also, when I get nervous, for the past ten years or so I have dealt with that by not taking good care of myself so I can kind of "zone" out, so my learned behavior has been to just do that, without even really thinking about it, so I am trying to fight that and remember to take extra care to do everything I need to stay healthy.

I am nervous about my test results, but also about talking to my endo about my CDE experiences. I am horrible at confrontation because I really hate making people feel bad, but this just has to be done, for all of her patients' sake. I guess maybe I am just internally blaming my diabetes for even making me have to deal with all of this and therefore am retaliating by slacking off. Or maybe I am just reading too much into it all...

I'll be sure to take my "brave big girl" pill Thursday morning and report how it goes!


Jeff said...

Hi Suzanne. I agree, take that pill. You'll feel a lot better later on.

Donna said...

Hang in there, Suzanne. Hope things go well.

Mandy said...

I hope your appointment goes well too. I am sooo glad your going to discuss your CDE. After all, it is your health at stake here.

Also, know that no matter what your A1c is, it is really JUST a useful tool. It is neither good nor bad, but information for you to use and guide you in your future management. Good luck!