Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Wanderings of a Hypoglycemic Mind Revealed

I know I left a teaser in my last post, but really, it isn’t anything profound. Here is how I think my hypoglycemic brain was linking my “cure” to the events that happened on that day. Remember, we bought a new car. Well, cars take money.

Ahhh, money. Sometimes I wonder how on earth everyone without diabetes could not have millions of dollars to spare. I mean, we survive even with spending large amounts of money on diabetes: supplies, healthy food, gym membership, all that doggone food I have to eat when I am low… but, I digress, a tad.

I have always saved my money. It’s what I do. I save it in case I need it. I save it in case one day that magic cure does pop up. A cure will certainly not come free. Just look how long it took for insurance companies to approve test strips…TEST STRIPS!! One of the most vital parts of our diabetes care is to actually know what our blood sugar is and we cannot do that without those ridiculously expensive little plastic pieces that somehow mysteriously end up all over my house, my car, my office, in my bed…I even found one on the kitchen of my sisters new house that I had only visited once like 3 weeks prior! And now we have the CGMS, which are also so absolutely and amazingly beneficial to our care. These things will end up saving so much money on treating actual complications that could result from NOT having them!!

So my entire life (ok, since I was 9, but it feels like my entire life) I have saved for every birthday, every Christmas, every graduation. People would just laugh when I would tell them I don’t spend my “gift” money. It isn’t for me to spend on clothes or spa days or fun. I am waiting for my cure or, to be honest, treat any complications that arise. I don’t have the luxury of living pay check to pay check. If for some reason I lost my insurance or needed some type of medical care related to my diabetes that was not covered, I want to know that I will be ok. My savings to me is my lifeline. When people say “you only live once” I can only think, “well, I am no worse off not having a new shirt or new jewelry. I do live. I live life to its fullest and I treasure all of those little moments and I allow them to take my breath away. But, you’re right, you do only live once and I want to make sure I live the longest life I can, so when they find that cure that I have been promised since I was diagnosed at 9, I want to be first in line, money in hand.”

Well, we used some more of that money for the car. Heck, it is a necessity and we needed it and we got a GREAT deal. I don’t regret the purchase at all. But parting with money that I have worked so hard to save, with hope that I WILL spend it one day on something that will save all of our lives, is hard. So I think that when my blood sugar was so perfect, even with no insulin on board, at the same moment I was signing that check, it was just weird. And my mind goes crazy places when it is low and groggy and stressed, and so that is what I was thinking all night, as I waited for my blood sugar to creep back up to sanity.

1 comment:

Rach said...

Just wanted to say hello and to let you know I'm reading your blog. I had a 47 at 2 AM---so I'm getting your drift in this post. :) Rach