Thursday, March 27, 2008

Looking Back...

I have just spent today looking back on when this journey began. I cannot believe it has only been around 4 months since I was "born again". I am amazed at how far I have come and how determined I still am. I know that it was my choice, my determination and my strength that brought me to this place, but I don't think the decision would have been so clear or my strength nearly as strong if it had not been for everyone that I have met online. Following your stories and having the opportunity to speak about my story has been incredibly motivating. I feel blessed everyday by your presence, and I hope you do the same.

This journey has taken me so far: From starting fresh in the beginning, with my old pump, my old basal rates, and my old ideas about my diabetes to having to go back to shots when my pump broke to now having my new pump with all of its glory and wonder!! Just four months ago I hadn't checked my blood sugar more than 5 times per year, for just about the past 10 years or so (sometimes temporarily getting back on track, but then very soon after falling again). I know I will still face a lot of struggles, and I do now, especially with my weight, but I am holding on.

It was so easy to fall before because I felt so alone. I could fall and no one knew, or cared. But now, I feel as though people CARE about how I am doing, and I don't like to disappoint :). Although, even when I do feel like I am disappointing, I just get a pat on the back, a "that's ok" and a "let's try again".

The entire online diabetes community to me is represented by a complete circle of friends. In that circle, we are all leaning against each other in the circle. It is so hard to fall, because there is always someone there to catch you and if I do fall, it is as though the entire circle feels the tug as the circle moves in that direction and everyone reacts. There is always someone there to help me back up and to allow me to again lean on them. No one in the circle can keep someone up. I know I have to carry my own weight and stand with my own strength, but you are all there supporting me and are there to pick me back up. I won't be perfect, and I will sometimes lose my strength, become weak, and occassionally I may even fall...but I know that with everyone there around me, it won't take me long to get back up.

My hope is that everyone with diabetes can feel as inspired by this community as I have. As always, I hope to also be there for others who are struggling or just need a friend who understands. I can't judge you because I have been there, and I know how scary and lonely it can be. It is a hard journey, and it may be a long one, but I promise you can do it!! You just have to believe it, too.


bethydoll said...

You are doing a tremendous job! 4 months and you are still going strong! Yes, you have hard times, don't we both? And OH so frustrating! But, we still get back up and fight! Just like you said, this online community is awesome! Even though many of us have never and probably will never meet in person they are still "there" which is exactly what we need! Who ever knew that the internet could be such a wonderful tool and resource to us!

You are doing so great! :)

Cara said...

I'm glad you are working so hard at getting back on track. The pump was really what got me on track. It will be 2 years on May 1st. And I have been a mostly "good" diabetic since then. We all have our bad days, but as long as we try, what more can be expected?

Araby62 said...

Wonderful post :) Congratulations on 'making it work' so far!