This weekend I made a trip home to my parent's house. They recently got a new pool, or what I like to call an oversized hot tub. Going home is always very stressful for me. My Mom and I have not always been on good terms when it comes to my diabetes control. I went through a lot of really bad times through high school and college and wasn't always the best at taking care of myself, which caused her to severely tighten the reigns on me and resulted in what I felt was complete control over my life.
As an adult, I know she did it because not only was it somewhat necessary, but because she loved me. However, even now, when I go home I feel her watchful eye carefully following me and trying to determine: "did she pee too much, is her BS high?" "Do I smell the sweet scent of DKA on her breath?" "Have I seen her check her BS?" "Is she drinking too much water?"...which results in me doing all of my checking, peeing, and drinking out of sight. Even when I do take a sip of water I feel so guilty because I think she must be wondering whether I am becoming dehydrated due to high BS.
It is getting better and the thoughts aren't as consuming as it may seem in print...they just lurk somewhere hidden in the back of my mind... I try to remember that her concerns are valid, considering I was only "born again" in the past several months. Eventually she will know that I am ok, but for now, I will just try to deal with the stress and be patient with her glances...I certainly do owe her that much!
3 days ago
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