One Day At A Time

I am still taking everything one day at a time, and it is amazing how taking each excruciatingly long day as a blessing and moving on to the next can quickly add up to 32 weeks! It is truly incredible.

My weekly u/s and check ups started Friday and all went well. The specialist had done them all prior to this so this was the first since the pregnancy was confirmed that my OB saw my baby girl. I think she was actually impressed :) My fluids look good and she is right around 40% on the growth charts. She said she could tell that my blood sugars have been well controlled, which made me extremely excited. It isn't often that we are actually applauded by our doctors when we do well, so I took it all in :) Baby girl is still looking great by all accounts and she even hiccupped on command and we saw her wiggle her tiny little toes! She is truly amazing.

My protein is still increasing; now up to 1500, but again, we are doing 24 hours every week and so we'll see what the next one brings. I asked when delivery would be necessary and she said that if it gets up to around 5000 she may consider it, but we'll see. Hopefully I can make it to at least 38 weeks. My blood pressure was still high for the first two checks, but thankfully the nurse checks until she gets a good one ;) The first was done over my sleeve and was 150/84 and so she pulled it up and I started getting a bit panicky thinking about bed rest, which resulted in a 154/90 ish. So she did it one more time, while I tried my hardest to calm down: 134/83. Whoo, thank goodness! So, I'm on my feet and at work for one more week! Yay!

As it gets closer to the day that we get to meet our baby girl, I have been reflecting a lot on this journey. I honestly feel as though it is has still not completely sunk in that I am really doing this. That I am pregnant and that I am now blessed to know what it is like to have this baby growing inside me and to feel her kick and her ever more frequent hiccups. It was something I never dared to dream about before because I knew it would hurt too much when I found out that it wouldn't be possible for me, especially since so many years of neglect were at my own hand... but here we are, and we've just about made it through to the end!

I was thinking about how I feel like this pregnancy journey will be over before it ever really sinks in and that then it will be too late to actually sit back and enjoy all of the wonderful things that pregnancy brings (and even those not so wonderful things). Maybe it is that I am so pre-occupied by the never ending focus on my blood sugar and diabetes (even while sneaking in a bit of king cake for Mardi Gras) that has me distracted from allowing myself to believe this is really true, but that is so much a part of it all, and really, that's okay. I just want to try to cherish it all before it is over, and the next chapter begins!

Do I wish that I didn't have to worry about the effect my diabetes will have on my precious child? Of course, but I also know that complications can happen in any pregnancy, and at least I know that I was being watched so closely for any signs of problems. I know that my baby girl will not have an undiagnosed heart problem due to a hole in her heart and I know that if my blood pressure increases even in the slightest, all precautions will be taken to make sure we are both taken care of. I get this extra care because of my diabetes. I have also been able to see her every month since the day she came into existance! I imagine that pregnant women everywhere are constantly concerned that all is well, and I was able to have that extra reassurance.

I think the biggest lesson that I've learned is this: I can do this. I can be healthy, despite my diabetes and despite what others have told me or what they believe my future to be. You know what, I can even be happy. And it really isn't all that hard, in the grand scheme of things. Annoying, yes. Frustrating, all the time! And do I still worry about whether or not I will be able to be the best mother possible to my daughter without my diabetes getting in the way or throwing some horrible complication at me... us? Every day. But I feel like I have been given an amazing opportunity to prove to myself that I can do everything within my power to maintain good control and to keep those complications away to the best of my ability... and that is really all I can do.

Well, here's to one more week down... hoping for at least another 6 weeks to go!