"Diabetes is Weird!"

Hahaha...this statement couldn't be more true!!! See what Donna, our Type 2 DiabetesSisters blogger has to say about it: Diabetes is Weird. Sometimes it just makes no sense at all!!!

Read the other blogs under BLOG CENTRAL, too. They are full of more women's experiences with diabetes...the kind that always makes me go, "ME TOO, ME TOO!!"

Hope you are all having a happy Tuesday! ...is it really only Tuesday...???

Ugh...one day without my CGMS

Took out my CGMS yesterday and I get my first high in a week. Figures...blood sugar is 368.

Looking back on being "born again"

You know, that CGMS sure can be a pain when I have it on... I have to be careful not to pull it, bump it, tug it... I have to keep my pump within range of it and my tubing from looping around it... But those days that I don't wear it I sure miss the ease of just looking down to make sure I am on track.

I know it isn't always accurate, but I am not convinced my meter is all that accurate either. It's the trends I care about. I just feel kind of off and worried when I don't have it on because I don't know what my blood sugar is (around). It is amazing how I am so reliant on it now. Never in my life did I think I could be so focused on my blood sugar. I went from not checking one time for years to becoming worried and stressed if I don't know what it is at every minute of the day. How did that happen??

I must say, I feel good. I feel happy. I feel ALIVE! Last year at this time I was still too weak because of my constant Highs to climb stairs, take a shower, go on vacation or do things with friends. Laughing exhausted me. Smiling for long periods of time drained me. Half of the time I didn't argue with people because I didn't have the energy, certainly not because I didn't have an opinion. I was just there, existing but never really LIVING.

My life has changed in so many ways and not one of them is bad. Not only can I walk up a flight of stairs, but I can hike up mountains. I can dance at every commercial with music without the fear of getting faint; I can laugh for hours and I can smile for days...and I DO. I certainly have the energy to argue my point (poor Brad ;)) and I feel like my options in life are endless.

I feel like I am not only a Born Again Diabetic, but I am Born Again. I have a new life, new hopes, new dreams. The world doesn't scare me like it used to. I can dream about being a Mom without curling into a ball and crying because I know now that it IS possible. I can dream about my children growing up and I can even dream about having grandchildren one day. I feel like I have a life ahead of me, instead of constantly fearing a life of misery and complications.

Let me be honest, I am realistic about my future and I have done some horrible things to my body. For the first time in over 15 years my A1C is under 9 or 10 and I know it has crept up to around 15 and stayed there for at least several years when I was at my lowest point and when I had completely surrendered to my diabulemia, so complications are not out of the realm of possibility, but I am ok with that now. I know I don't have to let that fear debilitate me and I won't. YOU have all shown me what I can do and who I can be. I have proof right here everyday and I am reminded always that we are in control of our lives. I also have a husband who encourages me every day just by being there. We are a team and I feel like I have to keep going because if I fail, I am failing him and our future family. We get to make our own choices, good or bad, and we have to live with the consequences of that. I am prepared to do that.

I can only live for today and tomorrow and I can't change my past. I can only improve the chances for my future and hopefully help others to see that they also have a future ahead of them, they just have to take the opportunity to grab it and hold on tight!

Great Weekend!

Hi folks,

Everything on the diabetes front is going smoothly (famous last words, eh??). I took a break from my CGMS, as I now do and got back on it Thursday. Since then, things have been wonderful. I still have some insulin basals to work out, but I am recording and keeping track so that the doctor can help me out with it.

I did reduce my morning insulin, though. I was waking at 5 am every morning with a little buzz from my pump telling me to eat. When I say 5 am, I do not mean 4:45 or 5:15, I mean 5, on the dot. Can we say pattern? Patterns are good though; it give me something to work with :)

Virginia was amazing. We had a great time and it was so much fun!! Blood sugars remained relatively stable, which was nice.

I am even making improvement with putting in new sites for my pump. I used to have to make a really loud sqealing noise to do it, but not anymore!! I am sure the neighbors, and my dog, are relieved ;) Although, the CGMS site is a lot different. Until this last one, I had never put one in without it bleeding...one time leading to me to get a little weak in the knees. You'd think I'd be used to it, right? The bleeding would then lead to it not sticking on very well...which is so annoying!! Even when I put the big clear sticky thing over it, it comes off when I exercise or shower, leaving a sticky mess behind. It is more trouble than its worth, which I think is one reason I wait until I put a new CGMS in. (I mean other than the fear of inserting it and the constant focus on my blood sugar 24/7). The minimed one isn't designed very user friendly. The transmitter just dangles off like a loose peice of plastic and it gets tangled in my pump tubing, my clothes and anything else around, and it jiggles when I exercise. Such a pain!! I am open to tips on how to deal with this, though. It makes me so uncomfortable knowing it is hanging on my a loose, tiny peice of sticky tape that is wearing down quickly!!

Well, this last one didn't bleed at all, which has made me happy all week! It is sticking much better and I have really had no issues with it yet, including the fear of losing all of the blood in my body after inserting it (can we say unrealistic fears, here??).

Anyway, I just wanted to check in, say hello, and let you know I am still here, going strong. Brad and I have even started working out at least 2 or 3 days per week!! We took last week off, but are going back today. Things are going very well and I couldn't be more relieved :)

Well, my body is definitely adjusted!!

Ugh, I had a high blood sugar yesterday (yep, trying on clothes and forgot to reattach the pump). I didn't check, because, well, I still have the fear of seeing that HIGH number on my meter...and knowing that there is proof it existed. And having to explain it to my doctor when I turn it in to them and getting the disapproving look.

Well, it couldn't have been high for more than 3 hours or so, based on the time I detached to the time I felt so ill I thought I was going to throw up. I mean, I felt bad. Deathly ill. How on earth did I live with a blood sugar consistently over 400??? How could I do it. I couldn't manage 2 or 3 hours of it that high without feeling unable to move!!!

So, I am glad to say that my body is adjusted to a good blood sugar level and I am so happy about that. It can now warn me when I am high and low, and that is just fantastic. I must be doing something right :)

In other news, my husband and I leave for Virginia on Thursday to spend the 4th with Brad's family. It should be a fantastic time and I am so excited. But, it will be my first big vacation since getting things under control, so I am afraid I am going to forget something...although, I am pretty much an over packer, so forgetting something seems unlikely ;)

Hope you all have an amazing Fourth of July as well!!! I am so blessed to be in a country where I can get test strips, insulin, a pump and a CGMS to make sure I have the best care possible. Some things are slow in coming, but the struggle isn't nearly what it is for others.

God Bless America!! :)

Wanderings of a Hypoglycemic Mind Revealed

I know I left a teaser in my last post, but really, it isn’t anything profound. Here is how I think my hypoglycemic brain was linking my “cure” to the events that happened on that day. Remember, we bought a new car. Well, cars take money.

Ahhh, money. Sometimes I wonder how on earth everyone without diabetes could not have millions of dollars to spare. I mean, we survive even with spending large amounts of money on diabetes: supplies, healthy food, gym membership, all that doggone food I have to eat when I am low… but, I digress, a tad.

I have always saved my money. It’s what I do. I save it in case I need it. I save it in case one day that magic cure does pop up. A cure will certainly not come free. Just look how long it took for insurance companies to approve test strips…TEST STRIPS!! One of the most vital parts of our diabetes care is to actually know what our blood sugar is and we cannot do that without those ridiculously expensive little plastic pieces that somehow mysteriously end up all over my house, my car, my office, in my bed…I even found one on the kitchen of my sisters new house that I had only visited once like 3 weeks prior! And now we have the CGMS, which are also so absolutely and amazingly beneficial to our care. These things will end up saving so much money on treating actual complications that could result from NOT having them!!

So my entire life (ok, since I was 9, but it feels like my entire life) I have saved for every birthday, every Christmas, every graduation. People would just laugh when I would tell them I don’t spend my “gift” money. It isn’t for me to spend on clothes or spa days or fun. I am waiting for my cure or, to be honest, treat any complications that arise. I don’t have the luxury of living pay check to pay check. If for some reason I lost my insurance or needed some type of medical care related to my diabetes that was not covered, I want to know that I will be ok. My savings to me is my lifeline. When people say “you only live once” I can only think, “well, I am no worse off not having a new shirt or new jewelry. I do live. I live life to its fullest and I treasure all of those little moments and I allow them to take my breath away. But, you’re right, you do only live once and I want to make sure I live the longest life I can, so when they find that cure that I have been promised since I was diagnosed at 9, I want to be first in line, money in hand.”

Well, we used some more of that money for the car. Heck, it is a necessity and we needed it and we got a GREAT deal. I don’t regret the purchase at all. But parting with money that I have worked so hard to save, with hope that I WILL spend it one day on something that will save all of our lives, is hard. So I think that when my blood sugar was so perfect, even with no insulin on board, at the same moment I was signing that check, it was just weird. And my mind goes crazy places when it is low and groggy and stressed, and so that is what I was thinking all night, as I waited for my blood sugar to creep back up to sanity.

I'd say I'm cured, but then there's that 260 this morning...

Yesterday was a weird and crazy day...in more ways than one. Soo...Brad and I bought a new car. Wow. Never in my life did I ever think we would be the owners of a brand new vehicle. But we are. We got a great deal. A steal, really. We got a 2008 Mazda Tribute. Just the basics, no fluff...but I have so much fluff in my diabetes life right now, simple is just perfect! Brad's car was about to fall apart...and I am pretty sure I mean that literally. So, car shopping we went and landed this deal.

Well, in all of the chaos of the day, that included negotiating with dealers, discussions with my husband, and the plain fear of entering into another huge financial commitment, I forgot to change my insulin cartridge before leaving the house and it ran out at about 12:30. Well, luckily I had my back up insulin pen in my desk and took what I needed for lunch, but that was it. I had no basals at all. I was worried. I just knew I was going to be high for the rest of the afternoon, which also meant grumpy.

Well, around 4ish, I started feeling jittery. I thought that I could be low, but instead of checking my blood sugar I just took a few sips of some real coke and passed it off as nerves. I should have been checking anyway since I needed to keep a close eye on my numbers to make sure they didn't go high, but well, I didn't.

So I headed home to take care of some things at 4:30. Well...my husband called as I turned into our carport and said to meet him at the dealership (which by the way, is what I wanted to do initially anyway and I was furious that I now had to drive back through 5 o'clock traffic to meet him after he convinced ME it was best to go home...) So in my fit of anger I just turned right around...forgetting all about my insulin.

I could only imagine what stress, anger, and having absolutely no insulin in my system was doing to my blood sugar, but I decided to just go on with the plan and go to the dealership to at least look at the Tribute. We liked it, we wanted it, we sat down to talk. And talk we did...forever!

I started getting jittery again at about 7:30. I knew I just had to check to see where I stood, terrified I would see a ginormous number on the little screen. 64. What?!?! I checked again. 62. I mean, I know I hadn't eaten, but I am getting NO basals, and already had some coke. I had no insulin since 12:30. And the stress alone should have spiked it. I drank an entire Dr. Pepper and was 140. Now I was really scared about it spiking with nothing to bring it down.

Got home at around 9 with our new black beauty, and ate a sandwich without taking any insulin. At 10 pm it was 174. That is when I finally changed my insulin cartridge. I swore I was cured. I just knew it. I had to be!! I went to bed happy...although dreams about getting an extra $200 off the car kept me restless. Oh joy!

At 5 am I woke up sweaty and my mind was racing...I needed sugar, and fast. I had honey next to my bed and took a few big gulps (ugh, so gross!). My husband woke up and asked me to check my blood sugar (such a great guy!!). It was 44. After all of that and it was still 44. Maybe my body was just so happy to be cured it was producing insulin overtime! That is nice, but it needed to stop. Brad got me some juice and I finally settled down.

Well, at 9 it was 260. I am not cured. But I am happy to have a new vehicle and to be back on my sensor. Good enough for now! Why do I feel like this is double deja vu? I think I may have been cured before =:~)

And I'll elaborate further on the link between a new car and a cure that I came up during my 5 a.m. low next time...oh how the sleepy hypoglycemic mind rambles.