I could get used to this... which is good, since I have no choice!

I love having ultrasounds every Friday! Every single Friday I get to see our precious girl pop up on the screen, show off a little, while always hiding her face from view, of course. Of course, it is hard to get away from work for a significant amount of time each week, but it's necessary, and while I don't want to use tons of leave now, rather than when she is here, I do enjoy getting that special time just watching her.

My routine has become this: Every Friday I have an ultrasound, see the doc, get blood work done for the HELLP Panel, pick up my 24 hour urine kit and head back to work. Then, either Saturday or Sunday I do my 24 hour and then head back to the hospital on Monday morning to drop it off.

Of course, throw in my endo appointment this week and eye appointment next week, and that is a LOT of doctors!! I really don't mind, though, especially since so far, they have brought only a sense of comfort that all is well.

As a side note, my protein has actually gone DOWN from the last time I blogged... it was 1150 last week and was 1250 this week. The week before those it was 1590 but my doc said that sometimes extra fluid intake can cause a higher number, so that's good!!

I am still aiming for 4-6 more weeks, although the closer I get to my due date, the more I find myself pushing back my expectations to closer to 39 weeks :) Gosh, she will really be here before I know it!!

One Day At A Time

I am still taking everything one day at a time, and it is amazing how taking each excruciatingly long day as a blessing and moving on to the next can quickly add up to 32 weeks! It is truly incredible.

My weekly u/s and check ups started Friday and all went well. The specialist had done them all prior to this so this was the first since the pregnancy was confirmed that my OB saw my baby girl. I think she was actually impressed :) My fluids look good and she is right around 40% on the growth charts. She said she could tell that my blood sugars have been well controlled, which made me extremely excited. It isn't often that we are actually applauded by our doctors when we do well, so I took it all in :) Baby girl is still looking great by all accounts and she even hiccupped on command and we saw her wiggle her tiny little toes! She is truly amazing.

My protein is still increasing; now up to 1500, but again, we are doing 24 hours every week and so we'll see what the next one brings. I asked when delivery would be necessary and she said that if it gets up to around 5000 she may consider it, but we'll see. Hopefully I can make it to at least 38 weeks. My blood pressure was still high for the first two checks, but thankfully the nurse checks until she gets a good one ;) The first was done over my sleeve and was 150/84 and so she pulled it up and I started getting a bit panicky thinking about bed rest, which resulted in a 154/90 ish. So she did it one more time, while I tried my hardest to calm down: 134/83. Whoo, thank goodness! So, I'm on my feet and at work for one more week! Yay!

As it gets closer to the day that we get to meet our baby girl, I have been reflecting a lot on this journey. I honestly feel as though it is has still not completely sunk in that I am really doing this. That I am pregnant and that I am now blessed to know what it is like to have this baby growing inside me and to feel her kick and her ever more frequent hiccups. It was something I never dared to dream about before because I knew it would hurt too much when I found out that it wouldn't be possible for me, especially since so many years of neglect were at my own hand... but here we are, and we've just about made it through to the end!

I was thinking about how I feel like this pregnancy journey will be over before it ever really sinks in and that then it will be too late to actually sit back and enjoy all of the wonderful things that pregnancy brings (and even those not so wonderful things). Maybe it is that I am so pre-occupied by the never ending focus on my blood sugar and diabetes (even while sneaking in a bit of king cake for Mardi Gras) that has me distracted from allowing myself to believe this is really true, but that is so much a part of it all, and really, that's okay. I just want to try to cherish it all before it is over, and the next chapter begins!

Do I wish that I didn't have to worry about the effect my diabetes will have on my precious child? Of course, but I also know that complications can happen in any pregnancy, and at least I know that I was being watched so closely for any signs of problems. I know that my baby girl will not have an undiagnosed heart problem due to a hole in her heart and I know that if my blood pressure increases even in the slightest, all precautions will be taken to make sure we are both taken care of. I get this extra care because of my diabetes. I have also been able to see her every month since the day she came into existance! I imagine that pregnant women everywhere are constantly concerned that all is well, and I was able to have that extra reassurance.

I think the biggest lesson that I've learned is this: I can do this. I can be healthy, despite my diabetes and despite what others have told me or what they believe my future to be. You know what, I can even be happy. And it really isn't all that hard, in the grand scheme of things. Annoying, yes. Frustrating, all the time! And do I still worry about whether or not I will be able to be the best mother possible to my daughter without my diabetes getting in the way or throwing some horrible complication at me... us? Every day. But I feel like I have been given an amazing opportunity to prove to myself that I can do everything within my power to maintain good control and to keep those complications away to the best of my ability... and that is really all I can do.

Well, here's to one more week down... hoping for at least another 6 weeks to go!

Signs of Pre-Eclampsia

Gosh, I know I say this every single time, but it is still just crazy... I am 30 weeks. I can't beleive it! Baby girl is doing just fine. At her last u/s the doc said that she was "growing perfectly"... I can't even begin to ask for more than that!! She seems healthy and happy in her cozy (and getting cozier by the day) home. She is moving around regularly and it is just so fun to watch my belly protrude as she attempts to stretch and move. I swear sometimes she just gets to dancing and my entire belly pokes out in a million places at once!! I can't help but giggle constantly at her little acrobatics!

Well, it seems that although she is doing well, my blood pressure is on the rise. When they check it at the Doctor's office it is around 140-150/90... although my home monitor never gives me those high results and usually says I am around 135/85 at the absolute highest (only once or twice). I went to see my ob yesterday and she told me that I have orders to take it easy, not do anything when I get home, and if it gets any higher, I will be placed on bed rest... and then when I got home and check, my bp was 111/76. Go figure!

I am also going to do weekly ultrasounds, 24 hour urines, and HELLP panels to monitor how she is doing and the protein in my urine. My weekly ultrasounds were scheduled to begin at 32 weeks anyway, so we are just starting a week early. The 24 hour urines will be a huge inconvenience, but I'd do them daily if that is what it takes!

My protein has gone up from 305 at 12 weeks, to 550 at around 20 weeks, to 990 at 28 weeks. So, it's on the rise, but I think it is still within an okay range for now, but protein is part of pre-e, so they just want to make sure it doesn't get out of control.

I have only had protein in my urine once with the dip stick in the OB's office, and even then she said she was surprised it hadn't shown up sooner and that it likely was due to something I ate, although I don't know if that even matters since my 24 hours are on the rise.

So... that's my update. Not great news, but not horrible either. Basically, I just do my best to keep my blood pressure down and continue on what I am doing. If I do have to go on bed rest it will kill me only because it will eat up my maternity leave, and I'd much rather spend that time with my precious girl instead of just sitting around, but I'll do what I need to keep her growing and healthy for as long as possible. Hopefully we can at least make it to 36-37 weeks, which is only about 5-6 weeks away! OH MY HOLY COW!! Ooohh, deep breathes, deep breathes ;)

I have a baby shower this weekend, and am required to sit the whole time, but I am very excited for it. Thankfully we did it as early as possible "just in case", since it seems it might have been necessary. I'll keep you all updated! Thank you so much for your comments, thoughts, and prayers. They mean so much to me. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many friends who know the ups and downs of diabetes!!

Oh, and her latest u/s pic... I know it's hard to pic her out, but it is her full face, tilted with her forehead toward the top right, chin toward the bottom left, and you can see both eyes, nose and her Daddy's lips!! :)

Week 29: What an Amazing Journey It's Been

I can't believe I am here typing that I am in my 29th week of pregnancy. It really still all feels so surreal to me. I feel like I know it is happening, but that I am somehow just watching it happen from a distance or to someone else. It's just incredible :)

I feel her not so gentle kicks and nudges constantly these days and my belly often takes it upon itself to begin moving like a bowl of jello, and I can do nothing but laugh! It's crazy and had no clue that would happen! We are still steadily working on her room, which is at this point easily the nicest in our humble home, but heck, she does deserve the best! It's fun to hang out in her room and think about how before we know it, it really will be HER room.

I am still completely obsessed with registries and continuously try to figure out what I need to prepare myself for our precious girl, but so far, the lists of items have not yet sent me any magic answers. I feel like I am trying to find Waldo among all of the swings and strollers and carseats and bedding and bottles and blankets and bibs. He's definitely gotten pretty darn good at this hiding thing...

On the diabetes front, I am feeling better about resistance this week. It's still there, and it still confuses me, and mostly it still scares me, but it hasn't been quite as bad as it was before. The long list of appointments continues and I saw my endocrinologist this past Monday. My A1C only went up .1 to 5.3; however, I am quite skeptical about this whole accuracy thing because I know that my numbers were not nearly consistent with what they were before. My meter average has gone up from 100 to 120, so I know I am not totally delusional. Kerri over at Six Until Me seems to be having the same doubts... but all I can do is trust all is well.

I also saw my ob last Friday. I think my blood pressure is starting to creep up and I am definitely swelling more, and I had 3+ protein in my urine when they checked... so I was off to do another 24 hour urine. My ob did mention that I probably shouldn't worry and that she honestly expected me to have had protein show up before now, since well, I've always had some protein due to my diabetes. So, when the person called with my results she said the doc said all was well, but I asked her what my protein was so I could pass this info on to my endo and she said 990, but that my ob had said it was stable so it was fine. Last 24 hour in early December showed I had 550, which doesn't seem stable to me! I discussed this with my endo when I went and he said that as long as it isn't around 3000 they probably won't be concerned. But, I can't help but be a tad concerned...

I check my blood pressure at home and it usually doesn't get higher than around 130ish/82ish, with some occasionally a tad higher, but most closer to 125/80. I know pre-eclampsia is more common in people with diabetes and I am honestly thinking about it 24/7, I can't help it. I am not stressed about it necessarily, but I am constantly on the look out for signs. I mean, swelling, I am swelling, but how much is too much? And, sure, I get headaches, but they aren't unbearable... I have a total battle going on with whether what I am going through is normal in someone who is pregnant or if I should be alarmed... Thankfully, the doc appointments will be picking up again soon and so I will no longer have to solely rely on my own judgement on these things... whew!

We get to see our baby girl tomorrow for an u/s, as well, and that always puts me at ease a bit. And don't worry, I've got a long list of questions for the maternal fetal specialist :) Seriously, every single day is an amazing blessing to me and I am just praying those days keep adding up to more weeks for baby girl to get stronger!

Third Trimester: Nesting is in FULL Force!!

I am so sorry I have been a stranger!! I think I have just become so occupied with just making sure things run smoothly, I haven't taken the time to write about it, since diabetes and doing well is always on my mind... I still look down at this very large belly and question whether it's all real. It is, I know it is, but I was so scared for so long that I would never get to where I am today it's hard to believe. I know I am so blessed and so grateful and just so happy. I cannot wait to meet this precious baby girl!!!

Resistance started hitting hard around week 22... I rarely saw any numbers under 100, although many were close and it was extremely frustrating. I think I've hammered all that out now but it was very difficult at the time. I know it will become hard again, but today is good and I am thankful for that. Regardless, it's all so worth it. I have a strange feeling that this won't be the last time I worry about my baby girl 24 hours a day ;)

I am also in absolute full nesting mode, haha!! I find myself continually trying to nest, but realize that I have nothing left to do until we get closer... Her furniture is all in her room and today we started putting together a closet organizer to add some more storage space. When I can't "nest" around the house, I find myself totally obsessed with my registries for her! I am constantly looking at them to see if I've thought of everything I might need. Suggestions from any Mommies out there on what I NEED, what is nice to have, and those things I should just forget are completely welcome!! This whole 'not knowing what the heck I am doing' is pretty hard!! I keep reading books and trying to be prepared, but they are talking about things I have no experience with and I know it won't make sense until she is here, and that's just how it is supposed to be :) Thankfully, I've been totally obsessed with babies and kids since I was one myself, so I have lots of babysitting experience and experience with newborns, but I know it will not be close to the same... I am just ready to move on to that next chapter!

I am now 28 weeks along and probably have at most 10 weeks to go, and hoping and praying that I make it close to that. So far everything is great, but I know things can change in an instant and I am trying my best to be prepared. But, all in all things are wonderful. I love her little tap dances in my belly and just grin ear to ear when I feel her moving around. It will never get old. I am just so in love with this baby girl and am anxiously awaiting the day I can hold her in my arms!!

Maybe my cell just felt neglected??

Ahhhh, finally!! After our two week extremely competitive phone tag run, my endo and I finally got it together and I now have my results... I think maybe my cell noticed that "other contraption" that was always attached to me and that I rarley forgot, or left behind, but since I decided to hold my cell firmly on my hip opposite that little square beeping thing, it decided to cooperate and let the doc on through to me... I mean, really, I was about to give up all hope of actually hearing from my endo until I had my next appointment in two weeks anyway, but I really was about to lose my mind playing the waiting game!

So, A1c, still good at 5.3. I know, those numbers still don't make complete sense to me... I mean, I don't know that it can really be possible, but my endo says it is and he's in charge... as far as my test results go, anyway. He again teased me and said it was great, as long as my fingers are holding out okay ;) I never knew endocrinologists could be funny... and nice, even!!! I can definitely get used to this 'no fussing' thing...

Protein is still there... it has slowly increased over the course of my pregnancy and is now at 211 (not sure which measurement this is, but it started at 53 pre-preg, then 163, then 200 last month... I think it's creatine?... I know I should know this, but Mr. Google isn't my friend anyway...). He doesn't seem concerned and we are just keeping an eye on it. I am doing my second tri 24 hour urine now so hopefully that will also come out as stable...

And tah dah, welcome new diagnosis!! My thyroid levels are now at 2.07, which means I need to go on a very low dose of thyroid medication for hypothyroidism or hashimotos. They have also slowly increased (or decreased as thyroid production goes) so we are going to keep a close eye on this as well and I will talk to my ob/gyn this Friday on what this means for Baby Bou and me...

But, overall things are still good, just more things to watch closely. As long as Baby Bou is in there safe and sound, I'm fine... for the most part. Well, okay, I'm nervous lately... maybe even a little freaked out and hypersensitive to things. Here's what happened:

My mom called me on my way to work on Monday after I had a bad case of pregnancy brain and forgot to pick up my 24 hr urine test oh, let me see... three times. Which means I now have to do this during the week instead of comfortably during the weekend, but I'll do whatever it takes... Anyway, Mom apparently thought Mr. Google was HER friend and called me in a bit of a panic when she found preeclampsia out there in cyber space. Now, I haven't hidden any information from her and have told her some common risks associated with diabetes and pregnancy, so I don't know how her search started or why exactly, but she informed me that preeclampsia can start after 20 weeks and is "very serious" (right, because I didn't already know this and somehow needed to be reminded... and maybe even that little thin string I've been grasping to keep me from falling into worried hysterics might need to be snapped... ) So... needless to say I temporarilty thought Mr. Google might be MY friend, too, which only led to me freaking out a bit and worrying like crazy and since then, I have been getting a little more stressed about things, but I'm doing my absolute best to keep my worry wart in check, hard as it may be.

So yea, overall, I am doing well... and Baby Bou says she is, too... as evidenced by her little tip taps as I type this :) I'll keep you updated on any new developments, but I am hopeful that there won't be any!

22 weeks and Counting!!

Gosh, where has the time gone!?! I feel like it was just yesterday that we found out we are having a precious girl and here it is almost a whole month later! Here are some updates on what has been going on in our growing home:

For the past 5 weeks, I have had a doctor's appointment (or two) every week. Crazy, I know, but it keeps me on track and it keeps me calm, just to know that all is as it should be! One of these included my opthalmologist to check my eyes. In 2002 I had laser surgery for retinopathy, so seeing the eye doctor is always a little scary, especially now that I am pregnant, since pregnancy can cause retinopathy to get worse... but, all was the same as it has been for the past 8 years! I am honestly shocked and almost don't believe the doc when she tells me this each time. I mean, how could that be?! I thought I was going blind when I found out about my retinopathy and even after the laser surgery I wasn't in ideal control... I mean, not even until just this past year has my A1C been under 7... for the first time in my life as a diabetic. All I can say for this is it is never too late... and well, God sure is darn good!!!

Another of these appointments was my endo... who I have now been successfully playing phone tag with for 2 weeks. So, needless to say I don't know what my new A1C is or whether the always present protein in my urine is remaining stable, but if it was bad, he'd make sure to get in touch with me, right?! I'll be seeing him again in 2 weeks anyway, but I am hoping I don't have to wait that long. Cell phone is officially attached to my hip, opposite my pump :)

Then, last week was the maternal-fetal specialist and we had another ultrasound. Good news all around!! She's doing great! Her heart looks wonderful, so do her kidneys and her brain and she is measuring in at around the 40th percentile... which is smaller than average, but we weren't expecting any miracles, since I am 5'2 and her Daddy is around 5'9 (or something like that ;)). It was great to see her again and her Mimsie (my Mom) was able to join us for our little preview! She yawned twice and was busy sucking her little hand almost the entire time... goodness I am in love with that little girl!!

In other news, we painted her room this weekend and picked out some fabric for her bedding, curtains, etc.!! We are just going neutral with paint colors, because we will eventually want to sell the house and don't want to make it to "personalized"... and well, the neutral will look nice. It is called Toasted Almond ;) I'll have to take a picture of the fabric swatches we got. They are basically a deeper pink, brown and green. We also picked up her crib... although it is still in the box until the room is finished being painted.

I can't believe I am putting together a nursery!!! She has also started to kick a lot more, which is such a relief!! I was getting quite impatient! I think it was around the day after Thanksgiving when she started moving around more and she hasn't stopped yet... although on days where I am very busy (like this weekend) I don't feel her quite as much as I do when sitting in my office at work...

So, that's my update! All is well in the Baby Bou household... we are 22 weeks, so officially over the halfway mark and expect to have her around the beginning of April, if all continues to go well!

I hope you are all enjoying this wonderful Christmas season... I can't wait for Santa next year!!!!