Baby Bou is a ....

Wow, what a whirlwind of a day yesterday was!! Waiting for the appointment was absolute torture, but I had no idea how stressful it would be once we actually got there. It was a big day and we were mostly just two curious parents waiting to find out whether it was a little boy or girl that was changing our lives forever... but they were also checking the baby's development and all of our little one's organs, including kidneys, brain, heart, and the markers for downs syndrome. So needless to say, it was a bit stressful.

They took us in pretty quickly, thank goodness, because I think Brad and I were both about to just bust with excitement!! The u/s tech met us in the room and we got all set up. And there our little baby was, gosh Baby Bou looked so big since our 9w u/s and the baby looked perfect and it was so wonderful to see our precious little gift again.

The first thing the tech asked us was whether we wanted to find out the gender of our cutie pie and of course we both exclaimed that we absolutely did! So, she moved the wand around my belly, got in position, and said, "Well, it looks like it's a GIRL!"

I think the room went silent and Brad and I both just stared at the screen... we are both so very excited and just can't wait to see what great things this little girl will bring us! Thankfully, we did not wait to find out because right after that, she decided to cross her little legs and sit on her hands, just like a proper little lady should! :)

After that we started the rest of the scan and the tech showed us all of her little organs, of course without really letting us know whether they looked good or bad, which was the stressful part... but we enjoyed just watching our precious girl move around. The doctor then came in and checked everything for himself and said from what he can see, she looks good and there is nothing from the ultrasound to worry about and he couldn't see any of the typical markers for Downs Syndrome, but he does want us to come back in 3 weeks from now to get another view of her heart, since she wasn't cooperating to his liking and didn't get all the views he wanted, but from what he could see, all was well! From here on out we will get an ultrasound every 4 weeks to make sure all continues to go well... I am so spoiled ;)

So, that's our news!! Great ultrasound, great day, and we have a wonderful baby girl on the way! Brad has his first date speech already prepared for that first little boy who shows up to our house, and has already contemplated what age is appropriate to start dating... Haha!! Brad is going to be an amazing Daddy :)

So, here she is:

Happy D-Blog Day! All of my fears are shattered...

I have never felt less like a person with diabetes in my life. I feel like all my dreams are coming true, and that diabetes really has not hindered me in any way whatsoever. All those fears I had, and still have, that I could never be "normal", never accomplish my dreams, never find someone to love me, or the fear that I would never become a Mom... all those fears are shattered, they are gone like the dreams they were supposed to deny me of.

I cannot believe I am here today and I am healthy, so happy, married to a wonderful man, and expecting a precious child. I don't know what is to come and I know that complications and additional struggles will likely come my way, but that's okay. Everyone has struggles, they are just different for each person.

Sure, I am on cloud nine right now because in oh, about 24 hours I have my next ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby, so I'm pumped! And I still know that the anatomy scan may show things that I am not prepared for, but I've done a good job controlling my blood sugars as much as I can... I hope. But for this minute in time, I just want to get lost in the feeling of being a totally normal woman who is expecting a totally normal and healthy child and whose life is about to totally change as we find out whether we are welcoming a son or daughter into this world... a world where anyone's dreams can come true, no matter who tries to quash them with fears of the unknown...

Diabetes has not killed me, it has only made me stronger, and I am such a true believer in that!!

Happy D-Blog Day 2009!!

Anticipation for Tuesday and Baby Bump :)

This coming Tuesday is a really big day. Not only do we find out the gender of this little one, but we also get the full anatomy scan to make sure Baby Bou is developing as he/she should be. Also, at my last appointment with my OB, they drew my blood for the quad screening, which gives us the chances that the baby will have any neural tube defects, cystic fibrosis, down's syndrome, and I think a few other things.

Everything was negative, except for Down's Syndrome, which showed up positive with the baby's risk at 1:300 of having it. Now, I know that with those chances, there is a 99.6% chance that everything is perfectly fine, but any positive result is scary, so I am even more anxious for this next appointment. I am scared, but I am not stressing over this. I know this test is really not that accurate and people get much higher chances all the time and have healthy babies... and really, there isn't anything I can do about it. They will look for markers of Downs in the ultrasound and we will take it from there. We have decided we do not want an amnio to confirm anything even if the ultrasound shows positive markder because even although the risk is small, I do not want any chance of miscarriage. Anyway, regardless of what the tests say, this baby will be so loved and will be so special to us; all we can do is prepare our home and our lives for a baby with special needs, if we have to... but like I said, I will not worry until we have more information on Tuesday.

Oh, and say hi to our 17w Baby Bou bump... On Tuesday of next week you'll get an up close and personal view of Baby Bou him/herself!

Baby's Heartbeat Still Strong!

On Friday, I had my monthly appointment with my OB and things are so far so good! I am 16 weeks today and as of Friday, the baby's heartbeat was 150, which is great. I also got my tests back from my endo and he said my A1C is down to 5.5... that's right, folk's FIVE.POINT.FIVE! I am thrilled, elated, shocked and can't believe that I, the born again diabetic who fought so hard against this disease it nearly killed me, now has an A1C of 5.5.


I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Anyone can do this... anyone. It doesn't matter if you have to start over, like I did, or if you just need to refocus. You can do what you put your mind to. Now, I am not sure if 5.5 is reasonable or not... I think pregnancy actually reduced blood sugars in the beginning, so that does make it a little easier than if you don't have those crazy hormones going through your body, but set your own, realistic goal, and get at it! You know I am cheering for you and welcome any vents of frustration you need to get out to help get over the hump. My email is this.is.my.sos@gmail.com. I know how good it feels to sometimes just get it all out...


My doctor also told me that she will likely induce me by two weeks or so to my due date, so we'll see how everything goes. I am hoping everything continues to go smoothly, but I am trying to remain realistic. I do have protein in my urine, and have for years, so that definitely is a concern, but like I said, so far, things are great, and I can't ask for a better report than that!

Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and words of advice!! I welcome any comments or suggestions that you have... sometimes, the best way is to learn from others! :)

Ooohh Baby ~ Insulin Resistance is Kicking In

Just this past weekend I started seeing signs that insulin resistance is starting to show it's ugly head! Things have been so smooth up until now... perfect really. I hadn't seen blood sugars in the 200s in almost two weeks, and before then it was rare. For months, things were so easy...

Yesterday I finished my 15th week and today I begin my 16th week of pregnancy and I can see my blood sugars beginning to creep up... and what I've noticed over the past few days is that those highs are as stubborn as I am. They do NOT like to budge! I do not care for this new development, but thankfully I see my endocrinologist today to see what I need to do.

One major problem is that I am also getting lows...possibly from me trying to fight the highs my just continuing to bolus for them, but nonetheless, they are there. So how do I increase my insulin when I NEED it, but keep it how it is for when my body wants to act all normal and stuff...like my body was ever normal!

For anyone with experience in this baby growing sorta thing :) I have a few questions:
1~when your insulin needs increased, did you start with your basals or your insulin:carb ratios? or both?
2~Did you find that you still had occassional lows due to the inconsistencies going on in your body?
AND
3~From this point on, will it ever be easy again?? I mean, how long did each 'fix' last before you had to readjust again?

I woke up early this morning (yep, it was a low) but I couldn't fall back to sleep, which has been pretty common latley... so, like a total dork in love with her baby, the baby and I just played... for an hour or two... until I had to wake up for real. Haha! Really I just poked and prodded my tummy and tried to see if maybe I could feel movement. I can't, but it was fun and I have a feeling not being able to fall asleep in the middle of the night will no longer be quite so miserable :)

I already love you more

I find myself staring out into space just grinning... and then I think, is this really true? Do I really have this little baby growing inside me just waiting to meet me and his/her daddy? Could my biggest dream really be coming true, right at this instant? After everything I've done to myself, the poor choices that Imade, and how I made being thin such a high priority over being healthy... for years, for almost my entire life with diabetes... for almost 20 years! How did God pick me to bless this way, and most importantly, can I live up to the responsibility in front of me?

I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know, that I do everything within my power to make sure that I do live up to what God has set out before me. I have come to realize that this power that we all have is quite astonishing, and you truly can do anything you set your mind to. I know, because somehow, I did it. I overcame an illness that is deemed to be one of the most deadly and the most difficult disorder of its kind to fight... no, not diabetes, but eating disorders (I still cringe at the words), although for me, they were intertwined into one big fight.

This doesn't feel real. I know I am going through the motions, and my pants are getting tight, but other than that, life is just going on as normal... normal? I don't even know what that means anymore. How can people go about their day as if this little miracle didn't exist inside me? This little miracle has already brought me such joy and hapiness and excitement and all he/she does is hang out and grow grow grow, and bring random grins of joy from his/her Mommy!

I am still afraid to talk about little Baby Bou, for fear everything might fall apart. I still hesitate to tell people and haven't started my baby journal because I am too afraid to allow myself to truly believe this is real. It's also why I am so afraid to blog about it, even though this truly is where I feel the safest, and I know that no one will tell me "I told you so, I told you it would never happen for you"... but that's what I feel like will happen, with those cutting words coming primarily from myself.

It's terrifying and honestly, I don't know that it will ever go away. I suppose it is true what they all say, your life will never be the same, and I know now that my life will never return to 'normal'. Regardless of what I have put my own body through, I know that life is fragile and it can be taken away at any moment, in just an instant. I don't think I'll ever remove that from my mind; I never do. However, now, I not only have my husband, my family and my friends to worry about, now I have a child and I can only imagine the worry that will come!

Of course, subconsciously I deal with these fears and distractions, but I still find myself just grinning into space, thinking about how truly blessed I am and how happy this time is. I just hope this precious little baby knows that I already love you more.

Goodness, 14 weeks already!

Where did the last two weeks go?! I can't believe I wil be finished my 14th week tomorrow! It is still so unreal and unbelievable. I still don't feel like it has really set in that I have this precious little baby growing inside me... although, my pants are definitely telling me that this is quite real :)

My blood sugars really have been great. It was as though once I figured it all out in the beginning, things just have been going smoothly. I am not checking quite as often as I did in the beginning, but I am still on top of things... my fingers definitely appreciate it :)

I have 2 weeks until my next endocrinologist and my ob/gyn appointments and then 4 weeks until my next maternal-fetal specialist appointment, when we hopefully find out gender :) I am so anxious for them all. I think my every other week appointments were keeping me comfortable, making this feel so much more real, and they also helped me to know that the clock was actually ticking... but it has been 2 weeks since my last appointment and I am just so anxious for my next! (Never ever have I ever looked forward to doctor's appointments, but I guess things change ;)

I still question myself in my mind every time I go to say the magic works "I'm pregnant" and ask, "could I really be... am I really pregnant!?!" It is the most amazing thing to be able to say and each day is such a miracle. It's a day I never thought would happen and something I've wanted since the time I knew what a baby was!

We live in such amazing times. I mean, a little girl who was diagnosed with diabetes at age 9, who fought it almost to the death until age 25 with A1Cs of 13 and 14 and beyond...and who thought at this point not only would my life and body be in total shambles, but I knew no hope for a family existed... and here I am 14 weeks pregnant with an A1C of 6.0. Sure, I have gadgets galore hooked up to my body, but I love them, they gave me this new life and are helping to make all of my dreams come true!