Anticipation for Tuesday and Baby Bump :)

This coming Tuesday is a really big day. Not only do we find out the gender of this little one, but we also get the full anatomy scan to make sure Baby Bou is developing as he/she should be. Also, at my last appointment with my OB, they drew my blood for the quad screening, which gives us the chances that the baby will have any neural tube defects, cystic fibrosis, down's syndrome, and I think a few other things.

Everything was negative, except for Down's Syndrome, which showed up positive with the baby's risk at 1:300 of having it. Now, I know that with those chances, there is a 99.6% chance that everything is perfectly fine, but any positive result is scary, so I am even more anxious for this next appointment. I am scared, but I am not stressing over this. I know this test is really not that accurate and people get much higher chances all the time and have healthy babies... and really, there isn't anything I can do about it. They will look for markers of Downs in the ultrasound and we will take it from there. We have decided we do not want an amnio to confirm anything even if the ultrasound shows positive markder because even although the risk is small, I do not want any chance of miscarriage. Anyway, regardless of what the tests say, this baby will be so loved and will be so special to us; all we can do is prepare our home and our lives for a baby with special needs, if we have to... but like I said, I will not worry until we have more information on Tuesday.

Oh, and say hi to our 17w Baby Bou bump... On Tuesday of next week you'll get an up close and personal view of Baby Bou him/herself!

Baby's Heartbeat Still Strong!

On Friday, I had my monthly appointment with my OB and things are so far so good! I am 16 weeks today and as of Friday, the baby's heartbeat was 150, which is great. I also got my tests back from my endo and he said my A1C is down to 5.5... that's right, folk's FIVE.POINT.FIVE! I am thrilled, elated, shocked and can't believe that I, the born again diabetic who fought so hard against this disease it nearly killed me, now has an A1C of 5.5.


I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Anyone can do this... anyone. It doesn't matter if you have to start over, like I did, or if you just need to refocus. You can do what you put your mind to. Now, I am not sure if 5.5 is reasonable or not... I think pregnancy actually reduced blood sugars in the beginning, so that does make it a little easier than if you don't have those crazy hormones going through your body, but set your own, realistic goal, and get at it! You know I am cheering for you and welcome any vents of frustration you need to get out to help get over the hump. My email is this.is.my.sos@gmail.com. I know how good it feels to sometimes just get it all out...


My doctor also told me that she will likely induce me by two weeks or so to my due date, so we'll see how everything goes. I am hoping everything continues to go smoothly, but I am trying to remain realistic. I do have protein in my urine, and have for years, so that definitely is a concern, but like I said, so far, things are great, and I can't ask for a better report than that!

Thank you all for your support, encouragement, and words of advice!! I welcome any comments or suggestions that you have... sometimes, the best way is to learn from others! :)

Ooohh Baby ~ Insulin Resistance is Kicking In

Just this past weekend I started seeing signs that insulin resistance is starting to show it's ugly head! Things have been so smooth up until now... perfect really. I hadn't seen blood sugars in the 200s in almost two weeks, and before then it was rare. For months, things were so easy...

Yesterday I finished my 15th week and today I begin my 16th week of pregnancy and I can see my blood sugars beginning to creep up... and what I've noticed over the past few days is that those highs are as stubborn as I am. They do NOT like to budge! I do not care for this new development, but thankfully I see my endocrinologist today to see what I need to do.

One major problem is that I am also getting lows...possibly from me trying to fight the highs my just continuing to bolus for them, but nonetheless, they are there. So how do I increase my insulin when I NEED it, but keep it how it is for when my body wants to act all normal and stuff...like my body was ever normal!

For anyone with experience in this baby growing sorta thing :) I have a few questions:
1~when your insulin needs increased, did you start with your basals or your insulin:carb ratios? or both?
2~Did you find that you still had occassional lows due to the inconsistencies going on in your body?
AND
3~From this point on, will it ever be easy again?? I mean, how long did each 'fix' last before you had to readjust again?

I woke up early this morning (yep, it was a low) but I couldn't fall back to sleep, which has been pretty common latley... so, like a total dork in love with her baby, the baby and I just played... for an hour or two... until I had to wake up for real. Haha! Really I just poked and prodded my tummy and tried to see if maybe I could feel movement. I can't, but it was fun and I have a feeling not being able to fall asleep in the middle of the night will no longer be quite so miserable :)

I already love you more

I find myself staring out into space just grinning... and then I think, is this really true? Do I really have this little baby growing inside me just waiting to meet me and his/her daddy? Could my biggest dream really be coming true, right at this instant? After everything I've done to myself, the poor choices that Imade, and how I made being thin such a high priority over being healthy... for years, for almost my entire life with diabetes... for almost 20 years! How did God pick me to bless this way, and most importantly, can I live up to the responsibility in front of me?

I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know, that I do everything within my power to make sure that I do live up to what God has set out before me. I have come to realize that this power that we all have is quite astonishing, and you truly can do anything you set your mind to. I know, because somehow, I did it. I overcame an illness that is deemed to be one of the most deadly and the most difficult disorder of its kind to fight... no, not diabetes, but eating disorders (I still cringe at the words), although for me, they were intertwined into one big fight.

This doesn't feel real. I know I am going through the motions, and my pants are getting tight, but other than that, life is just going on as normal... normal? I don't even know what that means anymore. How can people go about their day as if this little miracle didn't exist inside me? This little miracle has already brought me such joy and hapiness and excitement and all he/she does is hang out and grow grow grow, and bring random grins of joy from his/her Mommy!

I am still afraid to talk about little Baby Bou, for fear everything might fall apart. I still hesitate to tell people and haven't started my baby journal because I am too afraid to allow myself to truly believe this is real. It's also why I am so afraid to blog about it, even though this truly is where I feel the safest, and I know that no one will tell me "I told you so, I told you it would never happen for you"... but that's what I feel like will happen, with those cutting words coming primarily from myself.

It's terrifying and honestly, I don't know that it will ever go away. I suppose it is true what they all say, your life will never be the same, and I know now that my life will never return to 'normal'. Regardless of what I have put my own body through, I know that life is fragile and it can be taken away at any moment, in just an instant. I don't think I'll ever remove that from my mind; I never do. However, now, I not only have my husband, my family and my friends to worry about, now I have a child and I can only imagine the worry that will come!

Of course, subconsciously I deal with these fears and distractions, but I still find myself just grinning into space, thinking about how truly blessed I am and how happy this time is. I just hope this precious little baby knows that I already love you more.

Goodness, 14 weeks already!

Where did the last two weeks go?! I can't believe I wil be finished my 14th week tomorrow! It is still so unreal and unbelievable. I still don't feel like it has really set in that I have this precious little baby growing inside me... although, my pants are definitely telling me that this is quite real :)

My blood sugars really have been great. It was as though once I figured it all out in the beginning, things just have been going smoothly. I am not checking quite as often as I did in the beginning, but I am still on top of things... my fingers definitely appreciate it :)

I have 2 weeks until my next endocrinologist and my ob/gyn appointments and then 4 weeks until my next maternal-fetal specialist appointment, when we hopefully find out gender :) I am so anxious for them all. I think my every other week appointments were keeping me comfortable, making this feel so much more real, and they also helped me to know that the clock was actually ticking... but it has been 2 weeks since my last appointment and I am just so anxious for my next! (Never ever have I ever looked forward to doctor's appointments, but I guess things change ;)

I still question myself in my mind every time I go to say the magic works "I'm pregnant" and ask, "could I really be... am I really pregnant!?!" It is the most amazing thing to be able to say and each day is such a miracle. It's a day I never thought would happen and something I've wanted since the time I knew what a baby was!

We live in such amazing times. I mean, a little girl who was diagnosed with diabetes at age 9, who fought it almost to the death until age 25 with A1Cs of 13 and 14 and beyond...and who thought at this point not only would my life and body be in total shambles, but I knew no hope for a family existed... and here I am 14 weeks pregnant with an A1C of 6.0. Sure, I have gadgets galore hooked up to my body, but I love them, they gave me this new life and are helping to make all of my dreams come true!

12 Week Update

Gosh, I cannot believe I am 12 weeks today! The past couple of months have been an absolute whirlwind. I really never knew I could be this dedicated to my diabetes, ever. It truly is amazing the sacrifices you make when you know that your future child is depending on you making all the right decisions, all the time. I think it was one of my favorite Mommy with Diabetes Bloggers, Laura, who mentioned this same thing in a DiabetesSisters.org post when she was a pregnancy blogger, but she added on that it is a shame we don't value ourselves quite that much regardless of whether we are "with child".

My doctor asked me several weeks ago whether the cravings were making it hard for me, and I honestly told her that I have no cravings other than to make sure everything is perfect for this baby. That's all I want and it is what drives every thought right now.

I look back on where I started almost two years ago and am amazed. I can't help but get emotional (I know, pregnancy hormones!!) and think how much my life has changed. I am happier now than I ever thought possible. I am healthy, and well, and diabetes has not taken over my life... it's just become an important part of my life again but certainly has not taken me over.

I just hope others out there who are struggling know that you can do this, you just have to commit to it, and really really live it. It's hard, but I promise you, it is so worth it!

I'M PREGNANT!!! :)

Okay, so I know I have been totally missing in action, but there is a reason why!! I am pregnant. Yes, me!! I still can't believe it and I am still so very scared of what is to come, but am also taking in every moment and just loving it!

I will be 12 weeks on September 29th, which just so happens to fall on our 2nd Anniversary :) We found out very early on, at about 4 1/2 weeks, so I was able to make sure that my blood sugars, etc. were as perfect as could possibly be (easier said than done when your body is growing a precious baby ;)). I went to my endo the Tuesday after we found out with an A1C of 6.9 and six weeks later on this past Tuesday, it was all the way down to 6.0! My endo laughs at me each time he sees me because of the number of times I am checking my blood sugar, but my fingers will have to deal with it!

The first two days after I found out, I checked my blood sugar around 25 times each day!!! AND had my CGM in ;) I know, overkill, but like I said, I don't care!

I'd be lying if I said it was easy, especially in the beginning, but it is all so worth it. Every time my blood sugar would creep to 200, I would panic and start to cry and at first, I was having spikes without reason, so it was very difficult and so very stressful, but things have gotten better. I am still in the "going low" phase before the tripling of insulin phase and I am comfortable with how things are.

Anyway, I will definitely write more later, but I wanted to give my big announcement and let you all know that I am still here and I am doing so wonderfully!! I've missed you all and I am happy now that my secret is out!! :)