Newest column post on DiabetesSisters.org about my experiences and struggles with diabulimia: HERE
Oh what a journey this has been. Honestly, I thought going back "there" would have been a lot more difficult, but I understand that those struggles have made me who I am, and for that, I am thankful. I understand people who have reached the bottom and hopefully I can offer them some sense of support and hope.
Writing my Diabulimia Column for DiabetesSisters has been hard. It's scary to go back to that place where I was so long ago...but it wasn't really that long ago at all. I wasn't in the depths of it all when I started this journey, but I was certainly not out of it. Looking back on how far I have come is exciting, though. I feel so much hope for my future and that is something that I never ever felt before. I didn't think I had a future and so I certainly didn't waste my time dwelling on it. But that was when I never knew how good life could be. I am truly at that top of the world right now, and I am not just waiting on the day I trip and fall back down to the bottom. It's an amazing feeling.
I have come to realize that I have the power and control to do whatever I want in my life. I am more confident in who I am, more sure of who I want to become, and more excited to see how it all plays out than ever before...and I have the most amazing husband to make that journey with me. I am in love with life right now, and it is great. It is still a little scary sometimes, but I feel ok with that. Looking back at how far I have come has made me realize that nothing can hold me back...unless I let it.
We all hold our futures within our grasps, we just have to take the reins.
My next endo appointment is one week from yesterday. I am so nervous!!! While I have been doing exceptionally well over the past several months, I still fear that dreadful number. When my CGM is in, things are perfect, but then I take it out for a week, or most recently for the past several, and I slack off a bit. I hope my slacking over the past several weeks doesn't bring my A1C up dramatically. I am back on the CGM now, but I am still so scared to get my report card. At least in school you had some idea of what your grades would be...sometimes I feel like an A1c is a total crap shoot.
I was diagnosed with T1 diabetes when I was 9 years old. I am now newly married and I can see such an amazing future ahead of me. I lived as though I had never been diagnosed for the first 12 years after diagnosis and then decided I had to face reality. I did just that, went through a successful pregnancy and have a beautiful baby girl! I changed the name of my blog from "This is my SOS" because I think my SOS has been answered, and now I am on the journey of enjoying my new life!